Escapes

What to do when you aren’t satisfied in God. In fact God seems like more of a concept than a reality. That is a pressing place to be in. The desire to escape becomes at times overwhelming. Is there a place of refuge? If so, why is it so elusive? Are there arms to hold me and not let go. Is there a healing balm to apply to my pain. It seems I wander, much like a man with no mission. On my back I carry these questions wherever I go. They are heavy for sure and slow down my travels at times to just a crawl. I would love to exchange the questions for answers. Answers weigh far less and provide comfort rather than misery. Is there a deep contentment to experience? What color would it be? It seems my world is colored in grey. It all looks the same. The hues are gone. It is a one dimensional, flat canvas on which I walk. The air around me is stale and cold. I look across the way before me and as far as my eyes can see is emptiness. I look down and see a picture on which I stand. The picture seems interesting but fake and distant. If I could just climb into the picture, perhaps I could go deeper and find some treasure. Who painted the canvas below my feet? It certainly tells a story and piques my curiosity. It is maddening though to observe from the outside. I stoop down to touch. I run my fingers across the canvas. I feel nothing. I look closer and there is beauty. Smile begins to stroke my face and hope whispers so faintly. I stare. My eyes are drawn into the canvas. For but a moment I begin to feel warmth and a bit of color emerges. Contours take shape and I hear a comforting sound. I am ripped from the place and thrust upwards into the air. I float ever so high and the canvas is unrecognizable from up so high. I try to hold on to something, find anything to grip, but there is nothing. My moment of freedom was but a taste which now only lingers and reminds me of what is not. Nothing under my feet, I am suspended in a void. What moves me? I feel that I am drifting somewhere unknown. What fills the air around me? Haunting echoes of bygone visions which tease my hopes and leave only a residue of pain. My eyes grow heavy and I feel it would be easier to drift off to sleep. Perhaps a dream would rescue me. I become limp as I allow a new frontier to open up before me.

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