Canvas

What to do when you aren’t satisfied in God.  In fact God seems like more of a concept than a reality.  That is a pressing place to be in.  The desire to escape becomes at times overwhelming.  Is there a place of refuge?  If so, why is it so elusive?  Are there arms to hold me and not let go.  Is there a healing balm to apply to my pain.  It seems I wander, much like a man with no mission.  On my back I carry these questions wherever I go.  They are heavy for sure and slow down my travels at times to just a crawl.  I would love to exchange the questions for answers.  Answers weigh far less and provide comfort rather than misery.  Is there a deep contentment to experience?  What color would it be?  It seems my world is colored in grey.  It all looks the same.  The hues are gone.  It is a one dimensional, flat canvas on which I walk.  The air around me is stale and cold.  I look across the way before me and as far as my eyes can see is emptiness.  I look down and see a picture on which I stand.  The picture seems interesting but fake and distant.  If I could just climb into the picture, perhaps I could go deeper and find some treasure.  Who painted the canvas below my feet?  It certainly tells a story and piques my curiosity.  It is maddening though to observe from the outside.  I stoop down to touch.  I run my fingers across the canvas.  I feel nothing.  I look closer and there is beauty.   Smile begins to stroke my face and hope whispers so faintly.  I stare.  My eyes are drawn into the canvas.  For but a moment I begin to feel warmth and a bit of color emerges.  Contours take shape and I hear a comforting sound.  I am ripped from the place and thrust upwards into the air.  I float ever so high and the canvas is unrecognizable from up so high.  I try to hold on to something, find anything to grip, but there is nothing.  My moment of freedom was but a taste which now only lingers and reminds me of what is not.  Nothing under my feet, I am suspended in a void.  What moves me?  I feel that I am drifting somewhere unknown.  What fills the air around me?  Haunting echoes of bygone visions which tease my hopes and leave only a residue of pain.  My eyes grow heavy and I feel it would be easier to drift off to sleep.  Perhaps a dream would rescue me.  I become limp as I allow a new frontier to open up before me.

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